|Source via Lindsay on pinterest|
Writing this out is hard. It's about as hard as it is for me to look in the mirror most days. It's about as hard as trying on every article of clothing I own and discovering they don't fit. Its about as hard as it is to discover my 'fat pants' are now my 'don't even maybe fit' pants.
Everyone keeps telling me to cut myself some slack. I did just have a baby after all. While that is true, it still doesn't make it right. Or take the sting away. And if we're getting specific I've actually had two babies...in less than 2 years.
I am the heaviest I have ever been. And even though the thought of posting my weight for all the world to see makes me want to throw up, I am going to do it anyway.
I currently weigh 170lbs.
That's depressing. But writing it out is holding me accountable - if its out and posted, its not my dirty secret anymore.
I have never been super skinny but I have been thin and I liked the way I looked. Now, I am far from thin and I really don't like the way I look. I have always had a love/hate relationship with food but when I was younger I had a high metabolism on my side. After I had Oliver that slowed down, way down.
Pregnancy really does change..... everything.
I gained 20 pounds when I was pregnant with Oliver - I lost all of that weight within the first few months of Oliver's life. But becoming a stay at home mom I eventually started gaining it all back. By the time Oliver turned a year I was back up to 160lbs.
Then I got pregnant again.
So I started my 2nd pregnancy almost 30 pounds heavier than I did with my first. I was conscious of what I ate when I was pregnant with Landon and I let myself give into the craving but I did it in moderation. I also exercised more the 2nd time around. I was 183 pounds the day I delivered Landon.
I started Weight Watchers 2 weeks ago. I haven't lost any weight yet, but tracking my food has helped me make smarter decisions. Actually reading the labels has put a lot of things into perspective and has changed the way I look at food.
Food is no longer my crutch. Food is no longer that 'friend' I turn to when everything is falling apart or I am having a bad day. I realize now that I don't need food to make me happy. Being conscious of my feelings and emotions is one of the best things I can do for myself. Because when I am emotional I eat - and it's usually unhealthy. Finding other outlets is going to be difficult but I need to do this. Not only for myself but for my children.
Writing about my issues with my weight is difficult, but I have two beautiful children and for that I am thankful. My body did amazing things - by housing two babies and delivering them, it deserves to be treated with respect. Baby fat is cute on my kids...not on their momma.
If you have struggled with your weight or are still struggling I invite you to join me on this journey. If you have successfully lost weight, I invite you to share your tips and tricks. Let's do this together!
|Source Lindsay via Pinterest|
|Source Lindsay via Pinterest|