Having two kids is hard.
I don't mean in the sense where two kids is twice the work.
That is obvious, more people to take care of equals more work.
Especially if the people are solely dependent on you.
When I say hard,
I mean that the Momma Guilt is twice as hard.
I went shopping over the weekend for Easter things for the boys.
I felt the need to keep it equal. If one got an outfit the other got an outfit.
If one got a toy the other needed a toy.
I walked around Carters aimlessly trying to figure out what I wanted each of them to wear.
Do I want them to match?
Do I want Landon to have the cutesie "Baby's First Easter" outfit
or do I want him in something different?
Then what will Oliver wear?
What will the weather be like?
Should I get long sleeved or short?
Shorts or pants?
By the time I left the store I had a headache.
And I'm not even sure I like what I bought them.
They aren't matching by the way.
Then I headed over to Target.
If you're like me you'll say, "I'm just going for a few things!"
With my list in hand I was ready to face "The Eye."
Yeah, I totally bought things off my list.
And of course I had to keep it even so whatever I bought Oliver, Landon had to get.
Landon doesn't even know.
He's three and a half months old he's obsessed with his feet and the lights on the ceiling.
Yet, I know.
And somewhere in my crazy mind
I make myself believe that he will forever be screwed up
if I don't get him the same amount of things as his brother.
I know it's only going to get worse once they get older.
I know the Momma Guilt doesn't ever go away.
I just need to figure out a way to keep it quiet.
To not let it get to me.