Tuesday, June 12, 2012

It's Okay To Say, "Me Too"





I have things I struggle with,
moments where I'm insecure, or pasts I'm not so proud of. 
Things that have happened, events that have changed me.
For worse and for better. 

A lot of the time I burry these things down so deep inside,
because I'm afraid to let them out. 
To share the things that make me seem imperfect. 
That make me seem different. 

I've plastered that smile on my face 
and put on an act
I've pretended to have it all together 
I've suffer in silence.

 I have done this
too many times to count.

It's lonely pretending to have it all together
all the time.

When I had Oliver and Ryan and I became new parents, our life changed.
Our marriage was tough and at one point,
I was convinced it was failing.
We wouldn't make it. 
We were drowning in a sea of confusion and blame
and on top of that we had a baby.

I remember feeling so alone in it all.
Of course I had Ryan
but for so long he felt like my enemy that I couldn't go to him and 
really open up about what was going on
And he couldn't come to me
so we closed up, and shut up. 
Put on our happy faces and 
pretended everything was fine.

Inside I was dying.
He was too.

I knew something had to give, but I wasn't sure what.
I didn't feel that anyone would understand
what I was going though

One day I felt like I was going to burst if I didn't share what was on my heart. 
Where our relationship was going {or not going} 
and how empty I felt. 

I have a very special group of friends who are dear to my heart
We have never met in real life
but I consider them some of the closest friends
and I trusted them
so I opened up
 and let it out,
I felt better.
But I also felt afraid.
It was out, there was no going back. 
There was no rewinding this.
I said what I said and I just had to wait.

and that's when I heard the magic words 
I needed to hear. 

"Me too."

Every single woman I shared my story with responded with "me too" 
It was at that moment I realized I wasn't in this alone.
They all shared their experiences with a newborn
and trying to adjust to this new life.
The fights and disagreements they had
with their spouse out of exhaustion
and desperation.
The resentments and miscommunications  
I wasn't the first woman to have a baby and then feel like I have lost all control 
of my marriage or myself. 

It was a relief to have this
community of women
go through all these things
and say, not only have I gone thought it
I came out okay on the other side.

It does get better.
And it did get better.
Once we realized we were part of a team
we worked together
instead of against each other.

Since starting Little Mudpies, I have had numerous emails and comments from women saying "me too" 
and every "me too" forms another bond. 
Another chance for those to know they are not alone.
That I am not alone. 

I never believe this would become what it has.
I never once thought I would 
post about my issues with post partum depression
and receive comment after comment 
from women, mothers, saying they felt it too. 
The emails of love and understand were overwhelming. 

In all honesty, it was scary and sometimes it still is.
I bare my soul here on this little blog 
some people may not agree,
some may not understand,
some may tell me where to go. 
But then there are those who come to me and say,
 "me too" 
and those are the people that make this all worth it.


We were not put here to be fake.
We weren't put here to pretend and go at it alone. 
We certainly weren't put here perfectly. 
Each struggle and lesson is one to help make us stronger.
To shape us and our relationships with others
life is hard, but its not something we should have to deal with alone. 

So today, I ask you to open up. 
Just know here. 
You are not alone. 


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6 comments :

  1. I swear you know how to pull at a girls heart strings. Your honesty gives others who have felt your pain hope and acknowledgement. I love reading your blog because you tell it like it is. You are an inspiration to those that question themselves and don't have the strength to say it out loud. Thank you for your sincerity.

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  2. Our struggles make us stronger. Every rough time hubby and I have gone through has only brought us closer together in the end.

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  3. Nice post! I never thought I would be a blogger, let alone one that I would connect with so many women. It's crazy what we grow comfortable enough to share. It bonds us, for sure. Love the honesty! xox

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  4. Well said. I love when others are honest. I like being honest/real myself. Found this pos from a tweet my The NY Melroase family. New follower as well. Thanks for taking us along on the journey!

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  5. I really love how this blogging world introduces you to so many kindred spirits. People that you would never have come across otherwise! Thanks for sharing girl!

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  6. Love the openness & honesty of this post! When I first had my little girl I lived in a constant state of anxiety... and my hubby did NOT understand it. I also didn't have my blog yet to gain that community from other mamas, so it was a very hard time in my life emotionally. It's so good to know that there are lots of other mamas who can relate to what I went through {and for when we have more kiddos} and help me feel that I'm not alone!

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