Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I'm Throwing You Under The Bus

What better way to show your husband you love him, than by embarrassing him on your blog. 
Yup, thats me. 
Mature lady here! 

Let me start off by saying, I love Ryan, I truly do. 
And I think that he is very intelligent. 
He handles peoples money for a living, he has to be. 

That makes it sound like he's doing something shady. 
No, he's not a robber, he's a financial advisor.
 He has to have some kind of intelligence to help direct people with what to do with their money. 

However, what he has in smarts, he lacks in common sense.
 I'm not even kidding. 
I wish I was actually, because I see this man do things so ass backwards that I wonder how he has survived these last 32 years of his life.

Awesome. Not one burn by embarrassing your husband - you also threw in his age. Nice. 
For example, the other morning I hear him make this God awful scream, yell, moan type of thing from the upstairs bathroom. 
Now, I have been married to Ryan long enough to know how he works, he is dramatic. 
So even if whatever he was doing hurt him, he made sure to be extra dramatic so I would hear and come and investigate. Which I did. 
He knows how I work too! 

I find him trying to put a bandaid on his cut that he received during his softball game. 
The horrible noise I heard was him pouring rubbing alcohol on it. 

Then I see it, floating in the toilet. 

No, not that. Gross people - we're not going to talk about that here. 

Wrappers from the bandaid were in the toilet. 
Wait, what? I know that most people know not to flush wrappers and nonsense down the toilet. Apparently my husband never learned that. 

So I look at him and ask "why are there wrappers in the toilet?" And that's when he said, "That's why I didn't want you to see what I was doing, I knew you would say something!"

Okay. Wait. Now there are two things wrong with that sentence. 
1. He knew throwing those wrappers into the toilet was wrong.
2. That is something a kid says to his mother when he's been caught. 

I just asked again "why are the wrappers in the toilet?" His response this time "We need a damn garbage can up here"

Ah, okay I get it now. It's totally acceptable to throw the wrappers in the toilet because we don't have a garbage can in that bathroom. Gottcha. 

We have this grinder pump - {trust me it's not as sexy as it sounds} in our front yard. It's basically a sewer with a man hole cover on it so my children don't fall in. 
The town of tonawanda is always thinking. 
Anyway. Sometimes when it gets plugged the alarm that is connected to it, goes off. 
The alarm is in my house. 
So when that thing is plugged with Ryans wrappers and God knows what else - it will buzz. 
And it scares the living daylights out of my children and makes me an annoyed Momma and wife.

Then I have to call the water department and wait for them to come out and clean it. 
Then I get the lecture from the man with the ZZ Top beard about how "Nothing. And I repeat Nothing should be flushed down the toilet Ma'am" And when I reply with "Nothing?" The man gives me the evil eye and says "Nothing! Besides, you know the normal stuff that should go in the toilet!" I say, "Okay", and quickly try to shut the door, and that's when he stops me and says, "sometimes feminine products get caught in there, thats why they shouldn't be flushed down the toilet!" I just stand there shaking my head and agree, then he chimes in with "I see you have children, their wipes really shouldn't be flushed either!" Still shaking my head. I want to be like, "Yes sir, I know this stuff, my husband on the other hand thinks flushing it is just as good as throwing it in the garbage. Hell, he might even believe it's better because then its gone forever and he won't have to carry the garbage out to the curb. 
I don't, I just shake my head and hope this weird-ass conversation is over soon. 

I'd like to think my in laws taught Ryan that things like wrappers should go into the garbage can and not be flushed down the toilet. I'd love to give them credit in teaching him the common sense he needed to get though life, but living with him these last 6 years - I'm really starting to wonder. 


  1. oh my gosh! That is seriously too freaking funny! He didn't want you coming up but moaned over alcohol. Lol

  2. Hilarious!!! :) The things they think are ok...

  3. Oh my gosh I think I just peed myself. That is hysterical and yes I live with 3 men and keep praying for common sense to kick in at some point. BTW introduce the poor man to hydrogen peroxide it doesn't sting and is much better for a cut than alcohol. Don't worry I have a Drama Queen myself.

  4. hysterical! My man is the same way, he even says backasswards!


    1. lol, I told him from now on I will hold him accountable by embarrassing him on my blog! :)


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