We had Oliver's cardiologist appointment on Wednesday. First of all let me say that I am so glad to have that over with. The days leading up to it were filled with worry. Yes, even though his pediatrician and the nice nurse from the cardiologist's office reassured me that it was most likely nothing, I was nervous.
We arrived to the appointment a half an hour early. The receptionist was less than pleased. She was rude to us when we sat down and signed in. She made sure to remind us that our appointment wasn't until 9am and that we were 'really early'. We were there at 8:30. We weren't that early.
I was trying to keep my mind occupied so I was playing around on my phone, when she noticed she said "No Phones Allowed!" I apologized, but then I really wanted to tell her where to shove it.
It just pissed me off because if I was her I would really try to be polite as possible to the parents. All the parents, but especially the new ones that have never been there before. Working in a place with sick or potentially sick kids, the parents are probably a little nervous. Mindless Facebook surfing never hurt anyone.
The entire time we were waiting for Oliver's name to be called, I kept thinking about how I was going to say something to her when we left. Just a reminder that she might do this everyday but we have never been there before. Our lives could be changing dramatically and to maybe have a little compassion. Sure, rules are rules. But there are nicer ways of getting the point a crossed. Even Ryan was going to say something to her. And he never speaks up.
She was nicer when we gave our insurance information, and I never did end up saying anything. I still should of even though her attitude did change. My mind was elsewhere when we left.
They brought us back to the room and we had to remove Oliver's shirt for the Echocardiogram. Seeing my little boy and his skinny little body laying on the table was a little too much for me and I immediately started to cry. I could tell that he was nervous so I tried so very hard to hide it. I failed, miserably. The sonographer was very sweet and reassured me again that it was most likely nothing.
Watching my brave little boy lay on that table and watch the beating of his heart on the screen with wonder, amazed me. Here he was with stickers on his body, being poked by the little wand and he just laid there. In that moment I saw what my little boy was made of - courage. Sure he may have been a little scared, but he stayed strong. Much stronger than me.
As Ryan and I watched his heart beating on the screen we held onto each others hands and he would squeeze 1....2...3.
I knew I wasn't in this alone. Whatever the outcome, whatever happened next I had my best friend by my side.
And that gave me the courage and the strength to pull myself together and stop the tears.
The doctor came in and said that everything looked fine. They still wanted to do an EKG but his ECHO looked great. He was explaining that they rate the murmurs on a scale of 1 - 6. One being the least and six being major. Oliver's wasn't even on the scale. That made me feel better. The kindness of the doctor and the residents that were working with him reassured me and calmed my fears. They all complimented Oliver on being so good during the entire visit. I was telling the sonographer that we have been talking about going all week. How I explained to him that they were going to take pictures of his heart. She was so nice, that she printed out a picture for Oliver to take home.
He's proud of his picture and has been showing everyone.
I feel so silly getting so worked up over such a little thing, when there are kids out there that are suffering. But to me and to us at the time this was a big thing. I think that when something happens to a child whether its minor news or major a momma will initially worry.
With that said, thank you for all the kind words and well wishes. The emails and prayers have been overwhelming and I cannot thank you all enough for being here with me as I dealt with my first serious Momma problem. Thanks to those with the reassuring words and stories. They truly did make me feel better and ease some of my fears. I love you all.