I'm sure you have heard that quote before. There is more to it actually, but I just really like that part. Mainly because, that's what I do. I dance like no one it watching and according to my husband I "flail.' Its usually after a few drinks and I lost my ability to care what people think.
I am a shy soul. I am quiet and reserved in real life. I care what people think, so sometimes I just keep my mouth shut instead of ruffling feather. It takes me awhile to open up and if you first meet me and I say two words to you, you may assume that I am 'bitchy'. Trust me, I am not, I am just not a conversation starter. I will talk your ear off, if you start and hold the conversation. But at the same time, I am cautious about what I say. It's a blessing and a curse. Really.
I'm sure you have met those kind of people, maybe you are one, those that can talk about anything and everything. Those that even if you are shy, they keep the conversation going and before you know it, an hour has passed and you've been having the best time ever. I am married to that person. But I am far from that person. I'm the socially awkward one. The one that says, "Hi, how are you!" and that's it. The one that is wrecking her brain for something to talk about, but just coming up with....nothing.
But if I know you, and I am comfortable I am far from that person. I am loud and annoying. I swear and burp. Just ask my husband, and he will tell you that he never thought that the person I am was the girl he met over 7 years ago. That first night we met in person, I said maybe a handful of words to him. As time went on and as we became closer, the real lindsay came out. The funny, silly one.
The one that flails when she dances.
The dance like no one is watching quote got me thinking about this little blog. And all the other blogs out in blogland. I wonder how many actually, write like no one is reading.
I know when I first started out, I wrote like nobody was readying....because nobody was reading.
Well, that's a lie. I know my husband was reading. I remember getting my first follower and thinking "wow, this is awesome, someone actually cares about what I have to say" Then the pageviews started to increase and people were commenting and coming back.
Out of all the blogs out there, they were nice enough to stop by mine, comment and the best yet....stay.
The more the followers and pageviews and comments, the more I felt that I was doing something good. I was doing something important, that even though I was just sharing stories of our life, people could relate. I heard it all the time, "you are so relatable."
Then the pressure was on, I wanted to be relatable I wanted people to come back and like what I had to say. I wanted people to like what I had to say, so that's when it started changing, I began writing more for the readers than for myself.
The whole reason I started this in the first place.
I lost it somewhere. I lost the purpose. I was focusing on everyone watching (reading) that I stopped flailing.
And I really like to flail.
Maybe some of you have no idea what I am talking about, maybe you're new or you just didn't notice. But I have, I see a difference in where I am now from where I use to be. So, I am making a change. I am writing for me, I am going to share things that may or may not interest you. I am going to tell stories of my kids that some may not agree with or that some may thing is silly. I will bare it all on here that sometimes, ::gasp:: my marriage isn't perfect and that sometimes I really suck at being a mom.
Its those post, the ones where I didn't care who was reading that received the most feedback. Those that touched more people. Those that let everyone know that "hey I am a real person on the other side of this screen, I do have feelings and sometimes they get hurt."
So yeah, I am going to flail - and I'm going write like no one is reading.