Monday, October 29, 2012

I'd Like to Divorce My Toddler

I'm kidding, kind of.

But holy Hell can I just tell you that this 'tumultuous 2 1/2' stage *yes, I am making up a new name because he's over 2 and almost 3 and this appears to be worse - much worse. It was only a few weeks ago that he was an angel. A sweet little boy with these bright blue eyes. Now he still has those bright blue eyes and a mouth like a trucker (no offense to truckers!)

Everything is a fight.

"Oliver come eat dinner."
Fall on the floor throw a tantrum and scream "NO!"

"Oliver lets get ready for bed"
Fall on the floor and throw a tantrum and scream "NOOO!!"

"Oliver it's time to go home."
Fall on the floor and throw a tantrum and scream "NO MOMMA, NO WAY!"

The tantrum that sticks out the most (probably because it was in public and I was extremely embarrassed) was the day Ryan and I took the kids to the science museum. For the majority of the time Oliver was awesome. He listened and followed our directions. We saved the play place for last because we just knew that getting him out was going to be difficult. We spent an hour in the play place. We let him explore and check out all the toys. He loved fishing and playing with the trucks. It was getting late, Landon was starting to fuss and we decided it was time to go. Ryan and I actually played Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who was going to be the one to break the news to Oliver. I lost. I lost big time. Not only did I have to tell him it was time to go, which resulted in the loudest scream ever, I was the fool who got to carry him out of the museum. I was also the fool who got to put him into his car seat and stand next to said car seat for 10 minutes while he flailed his arms and kicked his legs.

I'm glad we could be a public service announcement to the city of Buffalo, for the importance of birth control.

I was mortified. I wanted to crawl in a hole.

When the Hell did he get so strong? I really need to stop giving him so much milk. I'm convinced it's giving him extra strength.

Last week we had to leave the farm early because he slapped me across the face. He slapped me! (no! not that farm - apparently my time at the farm has either been spent being threatened or assaulted.) 

Then there are the days when we're in public and he yells, "You scare me Momma." He makes sure to say it right in front of people too. So now, I not only have random strangers judging me for bringing two kids to the grocery store. I now have them assuming I'm a scary jerk, that has frightened her child to the point of announcing it right in the middle of the store. Awesome.

That, has happened, twice.

The days seem so much longer when he's in one of his moods. It could be 9:30 in the morning and I am giving the clock the stink eye because I want it to be nap time. The days drag on and the tantrums continue and it's in those moments I really think about running away from home. 

A challenge is an understatement. He is testing everything in me. Days like this I want to just walk out the door and keep going. Let him fend for himself. 

But then he looks at me with those bright blues and says "Sniggle Momma?" and I melt. I am completely defenseless and my heart swells with love that I have for this toddler, who's 2 1/2 going on 16.



  1. I hate to say this, but I am so glad that I am not the only one who has tantrum issues! And I have hear the tantrums are worse with boys, but the drama show that kiddo puts on it awful sometimes!

  2. It gets better but then it changes form instead.of the hitting and tantrums you will get I don't like you! I have also been hit and had to deal with the fun of car seats your not alone hun! I've had people come up to me and say I remember those days.

  3. Oh girl. Have I soooooo been there. Some days, I'm STILL there. Mine didn't reach this phase til 3. Sometimes you're like, who the heck is this child?! Other days you want to run to the closet and hide for hours. I hope you are getting some mommy reflection time. I try to wake up about 15-30 minutes before mine so I can collect myself and give myself a pep talk. But guess what? This is another phase and it will pass and you'll be onto the next one in no time. I promise. Hang in there. You're a good mama, I can tell. :)

  4. Oh I am so not looking forward to this stage! Stay strong mama!

  5. This is my life right now! My son just turned 3 but the "terrible 2s" just started (suddenly) about 2 months ago. Today he threw a tantrum because he didn't want to go to the park, and because his tuna was cold and not warm (seriously? Why would he want warm tuna?), and a variety of other things. I hope for both of us that the phase passes quickly! Good luck to you!

  6. I am so laughing, Matthew is just getting out of this stage, he's 4! There are days I want to just throw him to the wolves. As for what he is saying to of my girlfriends was cut off in traffic one day and said F-ing B*&$%, about 20 min. later she was in Home Depot and her son wanted something when she said no he started calling her F-ing B*&^% over and over in front of everyone, so see it could be worse LOL

    1. Oh my goodness!! Kids amaze me when they pick up those swear words and know exactly when to use them!! Your poor friend probably wanted to crawl in a hole. They are nuts, I am glad there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!

  7. I love how honest you are in your writing! We all feel that way from time to time! Its so funny because there really is nothing more powerful than the love a mother has for her children. Our deepest darkest nightmares are of being separated from our children, but yet, in the thick of the challenging parts we often find ourselves fantasizing about being free from having to deal with them. Human nature is a curious thing.

  8. OMG, this is exactly same thing happenning at our household. Worse part, my son is not even two or three. He is only 14 months old. He throws tantrum at almost all mealtimes and diaper changes. If he doesn't like anything he just throws himself on floor - carpet, tiles or concrete :( His dr was also surprised, She said he is learning things early, tantrums usually start around 18 months. Then again other than tantrum he is very happy and always smiling boy. He knows how to melt his mommy in a pinch...


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