I was parent of the day in Oliver's classroom last week. I sat back and watched him interact with all his friends. How he talked to them and played. What his favorite toys were and what he passed up.
He even asked me to play with him a few times, which made my heart melt. Because out of all the kids there, he picked his Momma. I know there will come a time where he will choose his friends over me, and that pulls on my heart strings. I want to keep him this little.
They sang songs and he even followed directions. It made me feel like, I've done something right. How he listened to the teacher and did what she asked. He learned that from somewhere. He learned that from me. It was that moment, when he got his green mat and sat down on the carpet for story time, that made all those hard, difficult, challenging days so very worth it. When I thought he wasn't listening to me, he was. And he remembered it, and used it in places outside of his home.
While others needed a little reminder to sit down during story, there he was. Head in his hands. Elbows resting on his knees. Sitting chris cross applesauce, listening intently to the teacher read Brown Bear, Brown Bear.
Thank you, Oliver. Thank you for making good choices.
I watched him paint his egg carton red to look like a firetruck, and glue his red hearts down on the paper.
He laughed and sang songs. Played with friends and shared the toys.
Thank you, Oliver. Thank you, for making good choices.
After school we went to pick out our pumpkins, in the pouring rain. As I stood there watching him picking up his pumpkins and carrying them to the car. I didn't want it to end. it was like I was seeing him though new eyes. I don't know what it was about that day, maybe it was the rain making me emotional. Or maybe it was different surrounding. It's easy to lose sight of it in the everyday. Sometimes its hard to see the bigger picture when you're so focused on making it though another day.
After picking out our pumpkins, I took him out to lunch. He sat across from me in that booth and we just talked. This moment, that I visioned when I first saw those two pink lines has finally come, and I was overwhelmed by emotion.
We talked about the pink carnation in the vase that was sitting on the table and the other people eating in the restaurant. We talked about school and what we were going to carve into the pumpkins we just bought. We talked about our lunch and how he had Chewbacha on his shirt. We talked about the rain and the puddles it was leaving on the ground. We talked about his hot dog and the silly smiley faced potato things that came with his meal. We talked about his loganberry and how happy he was to have a 'big kid' drink.
I just kept thinking, he is so grown up.
I know there will come a day when he will choose someone else over me. He won't want to play cars with his momma, and he won't want to go to lunch with me either. Thinking about it now, seems so far away but it's not. It's tomorrow, next week, three months from now and five years from then. That is how fast it will happen.
Today opened my eyes to things that I have been ignoring. I have been blindly going though the motions of being a mom. I have been rushing the day to end just so I can get a moments peace. What I was really doing, without even knowing it was rushing my son to grow up. I have thought so many times, when he's older this wont be an issue. But I wasn't adding, when he's older this might not be an issue, but other things will be.
So slow down, take the good with the bad and don't wish these moments away.