Growing up I was the only child. I made up for my lack of siblings with imaginary friends. I would talk to them like the were truly there. We would play barbies and have tea parties. I would take them outside to play on my swing set and swim in the pool. "Fred" and "The Boss" were their names. I still remember blaming Fred for breaking my moms vase.
I always wanted a brother or sister. someone I could talk to in the middle of the night. A constant friend to play with. An ear to listen. A shoulder to cry on. I wanted that sister who would get mad at me for stealing her clothes. Or a brother who would threaten the boy who just broke my heart. A sibling to hold my hand as we walked in to say goodbye to our father as he passed away. Someone to cry with as our lives were ripped out from under us, the day our parents divorced. Instead, I went though that all alone. I was jealous of my friends who had siblings. Even when they didn't get along - I wanted to have someone to fight with.
Being the only child...was lonely. I spent my time with a lot of adults and maybe grew up too quickly. Not having anyone to share things with, made it pretty hard to share growing up. Even now, I tend to hoard things for myself, or become slightly annoyed when Ryan finishes the last of something. I'm not perfect, I'm a work in progress and maybe living with me isn't always the easiest thing ever, but I think that I have adjusted well, even though I am not the best at sharing.
I have always wanted to have a big family. A house full of kids, noise, toys. I had visions of us around a table having family dinners and carting the children off to their football games or dance recitals. When Ryan and I started talking about kids, I let him know that I wanted at least two. It didn't matter what they were, boys or girls. that's not important to me. I just wanted more than one. I didn't want my child to ever be alone.
Oliver and Landon are starting to form this bond, this bond that I had always wanted. My two babies are the best of friends, and even though they are still so very young, they fight. Oliver is learning that he has to share. His response is always, 'well these are my toys' and he's right, they are his toys. Mostly every toy in this house was Oliver's first. But now that Landon is here and he is old enough to play, he wants to play with them too. So it leads to a lot of arguments over what Landon can and can't play with. And as chaotic as it may be at times, I love the sound of them bickering. It's mostly one sided, seeing Landon can't talk. But I'll just sit and listen as Oliver tells Landon that the piano is his but he'll let him use it, and that the Star Wars guys are his and he doesn't want him to play with them today.
They truly love each other. When Landon sees Oliver, his face lights ups. he tries so hard to do what Oliver does and sometimes he is successful. Other times he gets discouraged and then this happens. The moment when Oliver, completely on his own, will go up to him and put his arm around him and tell him not to cry. He hasn't been prompted or told to do it. Complete empathy for his baby brother. Its in those moments that I know having two was the best decision we could have made. I am not sure what the future holds as far as more children, but I know that these two will always have each other, and I hope with every ounce of my being that they remain this close.