oliver has been afraid of the monsters in his closet for a few months now. they come out when we leave his room. lurk in the corner, and in the shadows of the night. he wakes up and cries for us to help him. to save him. to keep him safe from the monsters.
i wish there were monsters in his closet. i wish that i could come in and chase them away whenever he asked. i wished that i could cover him in a blanket, kiss him on his soft sweet smelling forehead and protect him forever.
but i can't.
because monsters don't live in the closet. they live among us. they are bombing buildings. they are shooting up movie theaters, malls and college campuses. and today an elementary school.
my heart is so heavy tonight. i'm trying to make sense of this senseless act. but i can't, because i have no idea why someone would want to hurt innocent children. so tonight i write and i pray. for the sweet little babies that could of been mine. for the families of the adults that were lost.. I pray for Newtown.
i look at all the toys thrown about the living room. i havent had the urge to clean them up. let them lay there. my kids where here, making a mess - playing and having fun. there will be time to clean another day, but today is not it. today is a time to cherish what i have. i have them and they are here. i try to think about how those parents must be feeling, but my brain just shuts down. its like it can't even go to that place, that place without children. i just want to go up and watch them sleep. crawl into their bed and count their breaths.
this is just my thoughts, as a mother who wants to keep her babies safe from monsters, and i don't know if i can - because these monsters are real, and they are much scarier than the ones hiding in oliver's closet.
hug your babies tight. tell them you love them more time than you can count. read that story just one more time. and if you don't have children, call your parents and tell them you love them, because after today, they need to hear it more than ever.