Friday, December 14, 2012

monsters in the closet

oliver has been afraid of the monsters in his closet for a few months now. they come out when we leave his room. lurk in the corner, and in the shadows of the night. he wakes up and cries for us to help him. to save him. to keep him safe from the monsters.

i wish there were monsters in his closet. i wish that i could come in and chase them away whenever he asked. i wished that i could cover him in a blanket, kiss him on his soft sweet smelling forehead and protect him forever.

but i can't.

because monsters don't live in the closet. they live among us. they are bombing buildings. they are shooting up movie theaters, malls and college campuses. and today an elementary school.

my heart is so heavy tonight. i'm trying to make sense of this senseless act. but i can't, because i have no idea why someone would want to hurt innocent children. so tonight i write and i pray. for the sweet little babies that could of been mine. for the families of the adults that were lost.. I pray for Newtown.

i look at all the toys thrown about the living room. i havent had the urge to clean them up. let them lay there. my kids where here, making a mess - playing and having fun. there will be time to clean another day, but today is not it. today is a time to cherish what i have. i have them and they are here. i try to think about how those parents must be feeling, but my brain just shuts down. its like it can't even go to that place, that place without children. i just want to go up and watch them sleep. crawl into their bed and count their breaths.

this is just my thoughts, as a mother who wants to keep her babies safe from monsters, and i don't know if i can - because these monsters are real, and they are much scarier than the ones hiding in oliver's closet.

hug your babies tight. tell them you love them more time than you can count. read that story just one more time. and if you don't have children, call your parents and tell them you love them, because after today, they need to hear it more than ever.


  1. This is a very true, heartbreaking post. It amazes me what the real monsters in this world do for no reason at all. I know all day I have had my 2 boys in my arms. I was less demanding than normal with Aaden, let him stay up late to see Daddy who went back to work today for the first time since Connor's arrival. I hope that all parents out there tonight are holding their loved ones tight!

  2. I feel the same. You described my mommy feelings so well. Prayers to all.

  3. Lindsay, I agree with everything you've said. As moms we want to protect our precious children from the evils of the world but when we live in a world that's so messed up that sending the child to school is not a safe choice anymore, what is a parent to do? I feel so heartbroken for the parents of those slain children. The heartbreak, loss, emptiness and right before the holidays. To send your child to school and think they're safe only to find out they've been killed. I can't even wrap my brain around it. There will always be evil people in the world, even if we lived in a place with no weapons or sharp edges there are just evil people out there. I wish we had more control to protect our kids. Those poor families.

  4. Lindsay, I know exactly how you feel. My son woke for about an hour and a half in the night and I just took him and layed him next to me. Any other time I may have been annoyed that he wasn't going back to sleep, but not last night. I couldn't stop thinking about how I get to hold his hand, feel him laying next to me and so many others have had that ripped away from them. Saying, it's unfair, doesn't do it justice, but I don't know any other stronger sentiments that can fully describe it.

  5. Super cute site. Found you on the Local Sugar blog hop and followed via GFC and Twitter. Would love a follow back?


  6. hi! stopping by from thee networking blog hop! i'm one of the co-hosts and just wanted to say thanks so much for joining the hop and following my blog. Following you now :)

  7. This is a beautiful post and it is so so true. Praying for those darling littles and adults who are no longer with us. xo - Monica


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